From a Doula's Son

This is from my December DONA 'International Doula' magazine...and it left me in tears:

From a Doula's Son
by Shayne Siermachesky

My mother is the matriarch of a family tree that is all boys and worries that her life's work will be lost on her sons. I am her eldest son and on the brink of manhood. My mother is a doula; a woman who deals in pain, bulging bellies, emotional extremes and the epiphany of new life. I am here to tell her that all hope is not lost - your boys have been listening and quietly learning for years. For all those other doulas out there who have only birthed males, I am also here to tell you that your sons have been listening and learning as well - you are educating a whole new generation of fathers.

To quote Penny Simkin, "Let me tell you about birth." (Yes, I have seen many a video and read many of her books, as it's hard not to; they're pretty much in every nook and cranny in the house!) Following my mother's quiet guidance and implementing my male perspective of birth, this is what I hold in my heart. I can hep create a child, but I cannot push it from my body. I can love a child; however, it will not grow under my heart, but in it. I can empathize, comfort and advocate for my future wife, but I will only be an observer in that momentous journey to becoming a parent. I can love my partner the ony way a man can love a woman, but I understand and trust the bond that only women share. I can feed, clothe and protect my child, but I will never know what it is like to nourish a child at my breast. Most importantly, I know that there will be no babies born in my family without the services of a doula.

Over the last dozen years I have also been given quite the education. I know that Friedman's Curve isn't on a highway somewhere. I know the seven cardinal movements are not in any way a sexual position. I get that birth is not and never was, a sporting event. I know what Ferguson's Reflex is, what a Montgomery Gland is for and what the MacRobert's Maneuver does. I know that you smile when I catch an episode of TLC's "A Baby Story" and yell at the TV, telling the woman lying in the bed to get up and squat. What I didn't know for years was that you were igniting a passion in me as you were feeding your own. You have taught me to follow my heart in whatever career gives me great joy and satisfaction - thank you.

Mom, while I will never be a doula, nor be as intimate with birth as you are on a daily basis, I have been listening and learning. You have taught us boys well. And yes, I will try to marry a midwife.

Shayne Siermachesky is the 17 year old son of Loree Siermachesky, CD(DONA). he lives in Medicine Hat, Alberta and hopes to havea future in health care when he graduates from high School in June 2010.