From a Doula's Son

This is from my December DONA 'International Doula' magazine...and it left me in tears:

From a Doula's Son
by Shayne Siermachesky

My mother is the matriarch of a family tree that is all boys and worries that her life's work will be lost on her sons. I am her eldest son and on the brink of manhood. My mother is a doula; a woman who deals in pain, bulging bellies, emotional extremes and the epiphany of new life. I am here to tell her that all hope is not lost - your boys have been listening and quietly learning for years. For all those other doulas out there who have only birthed males, I am also here to tell you that your sons have been listening and learning as well - you are educating a whole new generation of fathers.

To quote Penny Simkin, "Let me tell you about birth." (Yes, I have seen many a video and read many of her books, as it's hard not to; they're pretty much in every nook and cranny in the house!) Following my mother's quiet guidance and implementing my male perspective of birth, this is what I hold in my heart. I can hep create a child, but I cannot push it from my body. I can love a child; however, it will not grow under my heart, but in it. I can empathize, comfort and advocate for my future wife, but I will only be an observer in that momentous journey to becoming a parent. I can love my partner the ony way a man can love a woman, but I understand and trust the bond that only women share. I can feed, clothe and protect my child, but I will never know what it is like to nourish a child at my breast. Most importantly, I know that there will be no babies born in my family without the services of a doula.

Over the last dozen years I have also been given quite the education. I know that Friedman's Curve isn't on a highway somewhere. I know the seven cardinal movements are not in any way a sexual position. I get that birth is not and never was, a sporting event. I know what Ferguson's Reflex is, what a Montgomery Gland is for and what the MacRobert's Maneuver does. I know that you smile when I catch an episode of TLC's "A Baby Story" and yell at the TV, telling the woman lying in the bed to get up and squat. What I didn't know for years was that you were igniting a passion in me as you were feeding your own. You have taught me to follow my heart in whatever career gives me great joy and satisfaction - thank you.

Mom, while I will never be a doula, nor be as intimate with birth as you are on a daily basis, I have been listening and learning. You have taught us boys well. And yes, I will try to marry a midwife.

Shayne Siermachesky is the 17 year old son of Loree Siermachesky, CD(DONA). he lives in Medicine Hat, Alberta and hopes to havea future in health care when he graduates from high School in June 2010.

Testimonies

Birth clients:

Dave and Michelle Leatherman - "There simply are no words to describe the help and encouragement my wife and I received from Kristen. From the very first time we met Kristen we instantly felt at ease and were comforted by her personality and how she interacted with us. We knew we had the perfect fit for our needs.

"Things were stressful enough for both of us towards the end of the pregnancy as we had some scares with ultrasounds in addition to me recovering from shoulder surgery. Kristen was able to help us BOTH through this experience, encouraging my wife and reinforcing many of the Bradley Method techniques we had learned, while keeping me calm and encouraging breaks, rest, or to simply step outside and get a breathe of fresh air.

"There is no doubt in my mind that things would not have gone as smoothly as they did without the help of Kristen. It was also very relaxing and reassuring to know we had someone who we trusted and shared the same views and birth plan as we did, and did not hesitate to express that to any of the hospital’s medical staff when needed. When it’s your first time going through the experience of child birth, you tend to think you’re well prepared and know exactly what to do. Though we felt we were adequately prepared, our situation was unique in that we had to make a crucial decision based on my wife’s high blood pressure. Our intent was to do everything we possibly could naturally, however we made a decision to move forward with an epidural in order to keep my wife’s blood pressure down (which was skyrocketing) and also keep the baby healthy without any high risk.

"Having Kristen there to talk us through this and let us make the decision was SO helpful. We were able to get an honest opinion, and were able to calmly talk through all our options. I cannot stress enough how important this was to us as a couple! We felt like we had someone who was not only an advocate for our child, but an advocate for our entire family, and that was overwhelmingly helpful. All in all, just knowing that someone was physically there to assist with anything we could ever need or ask for was a huge blessing to us both. There’s no question we will use Kristen’s services again- the only question is “When are we ready to have our second child”??"

Arianne- "I was able to have a successful VBAC with the help of Kristen. She was extremely helpful through the difficult contractions, and was supportive throughout the whole process. It made giving birth to my second daughter a wonderful experience."
Joy - "Kristen kept contact with me the months before and gave encouraging advice when my ob wanted to do something that went against my birth plan. My labor began at home. I called Kristen to let her know contractions had started. She gave me peace of mind to continue to labor at home until I needed to go to the hospital. She was calm and reassuring throughout the labor until we welcomed Genevieve into the world. Having her as my doula eased the anxiety I had about giving birth for both myself and my husband. My birth plan was followed and we have a healthy baby girl. I continue to be in contact with her as she watches Genevieve grow."

Postpartum clients:

The Hooviks- "After the birth of our son, I stayed in the hospital for 9.5 days due to other complications. The stress and burdens of not only being a new parent, but being sick and completely dependent upon my spouse was unbearable; not only for me, but for my spouse as well. When we brought Kristen into the hospital to meet with us, we knew that she was going to be an answered prayer. Kristen took care of our tiny new baby while I slept, rested, and healed. She helped with dishes, and other "fun" stuff. And emotionally, she was a blessing to my scared and exhausted body. I was encouraged, educated, reassured, and we really couldn't have made it through without her. Thanks a million Kristen, you're the best!!"

Caitrin Rames- "Our experience with having a post-partum doula was that it made a huge difference in our stress levels. Knowing that someone was coming by on a regular basis to check in and help out was reassuring and incredibly helpful! It's always easier when you know help will eventually arrive!!"

Erin Hale - "First of all you were very professional and made both Josh and I feel very comfortable. You had great ideas for during my pregnancy to help with back pain, fatigue etc. I also liked the ideas to help with the labor. Some were new and some were not and they helped in ways that I did not need an epidural. I felt more prepared to tell the Dr and nurses on my birthing plan (I didn't even know what one was with my first).

"Postpartum I really liked having you come and answer questions in person where if I had to call my Dr I had to wait for a call back. I had never seen baby massage and felt that it helped my daughter through when she was uncomfortable. Thank so much for the great experience!"